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Hustling to slow down

Sharing the struggles of balancing work and stay at home mom life.

I am naturally good at hustling. I can push myself sick to get things done. I like being productive and doing a job well done.

I actually didn’t realize this about myself until I became a mom. I always thought I was a slow and present person. And maybe I was. And maybe I am still to an extent or maybe that's what my heart craves. However, when I became a mom I started to really learn how to slow down.

As a mom there is never enough time to get things done. And I realized despite a larger to do list I now have less time to do any of it.

Everything goes slower when you have kids. All those ordinary moments in a day are precious opportunities with your kids. Our kids are a beauty to behold. But it's also true that having kids is a great way to learn patience and contentment because it challenges you so much in these areas.

So after about a year I started a business. Now there is organized chaos within myself. Who am I kidding? It’s just chaos. Pretty much all the time.

Running your own small business feels all about the hustle.

I am trying to be a good and present stay at home mom all the while run a successful business as an artist. If it seems like I have it all together at any point please know that is not true.

I struggle constantly. Trying to be the best mom I can be. The best wife I can be. Run a household, raise good, loving, kind and brave children, show my husband every day how much I love him and am grateful to and for him… and.. trying to hustle and push for this art business that I eagerly seek validation that I am making the right career choice for me and my ʻohana.

I have longed to be brave enough to be an artist as a career not a hobby and to even just to be able to call myself an artist. I am almost at a year of this career. I love it! But wow have I pushed and worked hard for it. And constantly struggle with knowing I could do more if I had the time.

Before really starting my business and even after I did start.. I made an “excuse” that I told myself and everyone I talked to.. “I am trying to sell my art so I can stay home with my kids”

I say an excuse because actually having an art career is completely dependent upon people actually liking and resonating with my art. So yeah in case anyone is wondering.. it is scary.

So telling people that I was doing this so I could stay home with my kids felt valid. People will understand that. Somehow that makes this choice okay. It makes it bold and brave and selfless versus foolish and selfish.

The thing is it wasn’t a lie. I did want to stay home with my kids. I still do. I desperately want to be with them as much as possible because husband and I created the coolest kids and watching them become themselves is so fulfilling.

But I always wanted to be an artist. I always wanted this to just happen somehow.

But I felt it was invalid and I cared too much about others opinions to really chase it.

Want to hear the perfect cocktail that launched me into my dream job?

Well .. When I got pregnant I had Hyperemesis gravidarum, which is a fairly rare disorder where you are sick all pregnancy. I lost more weight than I gained in fact. So (deep breath here) I was recovering from pregnancy and labor, absolutely in love with every moment I got with my daughter, having the most supportive caring and loving husband, lost my dad to cancer and Covid just reached our shores. So yeah I wanted to stay home. Can you blame me?

No one did. So it felt like the perfect time to start my dream job.

I wanted to make a name for myself. Is that selfish to say?

I also wanted to be brave like my dad and try something I ALWAYS wanted to do.

So I did it. And one more baby later I am still doing it.

I am proud of myself. And I have big ideas and plans. But very importantly to me and my family is that I learn to pace myself.

My first job is to my family. And it always will be the case.

So if I am being honest..I hustle to validate myself as a successful artist and business woman. And I hustle to provide a second income for my family.

But I realized something heart wrenching to me. I only have a year or maybe 2 before my daughter starts school.

Time is the most precious gift. Although I want so much. My biggest desire is to be here with and for my family. So learning to slow down is everything. This isn’t a newsletter where I am telling you something will change if you follow along with my businesses because I am not sure anyone outside my family will see the difference.

But I suppose that looks like

  1. Being present with my kids and husband instead of multitasking all the time.

  2. Writing down my goals but being more flexible with the timeline

  3. Consistently reverting back to my priorities

I work hard guys. And I work alone for a business that I run. So sometimes as the boss I push myself too hard. I work early in the morning or late at night because I want to get stuff done and be present with my kids.

There is nothing wrong with hard work. But when all is said and down I wnat my family to remember the love I showed them, the gift of being present and content in someone's company, giving others and yourself grace, how to be brave and bold, and how I made them feel.

Every so often I have this same talk with myself. I reevaluate where I am and how I am doing.

I tell myself to stop and slowdown more often than anything else.

If you are in a similar position or situation I want to validate you that you are not alone trying to be present with your family and successful in your career. You are not selfish for following your dreams. Let’s continue to just consistently check in with ourselves and our families that we are staying the course we seek. That the priorities are still in place.

Even though I want to be and do so much I know having had reached these goals (regardless of what the goal is) it will not make me happier. I have all the power to be joyful right now, right in the thick of life. And so do you.

And to all the self employed people who push yourselves so hard because you want to taste that success. Remember success is a wildly generic word it's okay to reevaluate how you define it. Oh and maybe tell your boss you need a day off 😉

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